What Trauma Actually Is (and What It Isn’t)

*skip to the end for the TLDR if you are short on time or attention span today*

Short answer first
Trauma is not only what happened to you. Trauma is what happened inside you when an experience overwhelmed your nervous system and you did not get enough support or safety.

The word trauma gets used everywhere right now. Sometimes it describes real pain. Sometimes it is used casually. No wonder so many people quietly wonder whether what they went through “counts.”

Trauma is not a competition. It is not measured by how dramatic something looked from the outside. Trauma is about your inner experience. It is about how your nervous system, your body, and your sense of self were affected.

Trauma is what happens inside you

Trauma is not only an event. Trauma is the wound that forms in the nervous system when something was too much, too fast, too long, or too lonely. If support, protection, or connection were missing, the body and mind adapted in order to cope.

Research and clinical work from people like Bessel van der Kolk, MD and Gabor Maté, MD highlight that trauma lives both in the mind and in the body. Maté describes trauma as not what happens to you, but what happens inside you because of what happened to you. This means trauma is an internal experience rather than a checklist of events.

Two people can go through the same situation and respond very differently. What matters most is whether your sense of safety, connection, or self trust was interrupted.

Beyond the “big T” and “little t” labels

You may have heard trauma described as Big T and little t trauma. While that language can sometimes help people understand patterns, it can also lead many people to minimize their own experience.

Trauma is not only events like war, natural disasters, or assaults. Trauma can also come from experiences that seem ordinary from the outside but were overwhelming to you on the inside.

For example, trauma can come from

• chronic emotional neglect
• growing up in a home where you had to be the responsible one
• unpredictable caregiving
• ongoing criticism or shaming
• medical procedures or illness
• being the peacemaker in the family

There is no scoring system that decides whether your pain “qualifies.” Your nervous system already told the truth through your responses and symptoms, even if your mind tries to explain it away.

Common myths that make people doubt themselves

Myth #1: “If I do not remember everything clearly, it must not be trauma.” In reality, memory after trauma is often fragmented. The brain stores overwhelming experiences in pieces as a way to protect you.

Myth #2: “If my life looks good now, I should be over it.” The nervous system can stay braced for danger long after the stressful situation ends.

Myth #3: “Other people had it worse, so I should be fine.” Healing does not come from comparison. Your body is responding to your story, not someone else’s.

Why your reactions make sense

Trauma responses are not character flaws. They are adaptations that once kept you safe.

Hypervigilance, emotional numbness, difficulty trusting, feeling detached, people pleasing, or intense emotions are nervous system responses that developed for survival. At one time they helped you get through what was happening.

Work on shame and vulnerability by Brené Brown, PhD speaks to this experience. Shame says something is wrong with you for reacting this way. Self compassion says your reactions make sense in the context of what you lived through.

Your body and mind learned how to protect you. They can also learn what it feels like to relax and feel safe again.

What trauma informed care actually means

Trauma informed care is not a single technique. It is a way of seeing the whole person. It recognizes that many symptoms began as survival strategies and that emotional and physical safety are the foundation for change.

In trauma informed therapy, you are not asked to simply get over it or retell your story before you are ready. The work focuses on

• helping your body feel safer
• understanding your patterns without shame
• building self compassion and self trust
• learning to regulate emotions
• reconnecting with parts of yourself that had to shut down

Approaches such as EMDR, Internal Family Systems, mindfulness, polyvagal informed therapy, and relational psychotherapy support nervous system regulation. Research in neuroscience and psychology, including the work of Bessel van der Kolk, Stephen Porges, and Lisa Ferentz, shows that connection, safety, and attunement are key elements in healing trauma.

If you want to learn about trauma therapy options or trauma informed care, you can read more at moxiehealing.com

Healing is possible and it takes time

Healing from trauma does not mean erasing your past. Healing means your past no longer runs your present. It means your nervous system gradually learns the feeling of safety, connection, and ease.

There is no timeline for trauma healing. There is no failing. There is only learning to meet yourself with curiosity and compassion. You are not broken or too sensitive. You are a human who adapted to survive. Those adaptations were intelligent responses at the time.

Healing is real. It is not instant and it is not linear. It is steady, courageous, human work and you do not have to do it alone.

Gentle trauma informed resources
• The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté
• Work by Stephen Porges on the Polyvagal Theory
• The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

TLDR 

What is trauma in simple terms
Trauma is the internal wound that happens when experiences overwhelm your nervous system and you do not get the support or safety you need.

What are signs of unresolved trauma

Common signs include anxiety, numbness, feeling on edge, trouble trusting, people pleasing, emotional outbursts, shutdown, or feeling disconnected from yourself.

Does trauma have to be a big event
No. Trauma can come from ongoing stress, neglect, criticism, or unpredictable caregiving, not only from major events.

Can you heal from trauma
Yes. The nervous system is capable of change. Healing takes time and usually happens through safe relationships, therapy, and self compassion. If you don’t know where to start, shoot us a message and we can start figuring it out together. https://www.moxiehealing.com/contact-us