Teen Mental Health: Understanding Why Teens Pull Away and How Therapy Helps
*skip to the end for the TLDR if you are short on time or attention span today*
Parenting a teen can feel like standing on shifting ground. One minute your child is open and engaged. The next, they shut down, retreat to their room, or snap over seemingly small things. Many parents worry: Am I doing something wrong? Is something “seriously” wrong with them?
Here’s the truth: pulling away is often how teens protect themselves. Adolescence is a time of huge change in the brain, body, and nervous system. Stress, overwhelm, and even past experiences can make them seem distant — but that doesn’t mean they don’t need connection or support.
Why Teens Shut Down or Pull Away
Teens are learning to navigate independence, identity, and big emotions while their nervous system is still developing. When a teen feels unsafe, emotionally, socially, or physically and then start shutting down or pulling away which really is a natural protective response…as painful or frustrating as that may be.
Research in adolescent development shows that the prefrontal cortex, which governs decision-making and emotional regulation, is still maturing during the teenage years. The amygdala, responsible for threat detection, can be highly sensitive. For so many teens, this combination can make emotions feel intense and relationships complicated/confusing.
Pulling away is not rebellion or defiance. It is often a way to regain a sense of safety when the world feels too big or unpredictable.
Trauma and the Nervous System in Adolescents
Some teens have experienced trauma, stress, or chronic pressure that affects how their nervous system responds. Trauma does not always mean a single dramatic event. It can also mean ongoing stress, emotional neglect, or experiences that left the teen feeling unsafe.
The nervous system learns to protect itself by going into fight, flight, or freeze. This can look like aggression, withdrawal, extreme worry, or emotional numbness. These behaviors are not signs of weakness or “bad” parenting, they are the body and brain trying to survive and make sense of overwhelming experiences.
What Safety Feels Like to Teens
Safety for teens is more than saying “don’t worry.” It is being seen, heard, and understood without judgment or pressure.
Safety can feel like:
A space to share without criticism
Being taken seriously, even when emotions seem intense
Consistent, predictable routines and limits
A trusted adult who listens more than lectures
When teens feel safe, their nervous system relaxes, their prefrontal cortex engages, and they can start exploring emotions, identity, and relationships in a healthier way.
How Therapy Supports Teens Without Pathologizing Them
Trauma-informed and adolescent-focused therapy provides tools, support, and guidance without labeling teens as “broken.” Therapy can help teens:
Understand why they feel or act the way they do
Learn skills for managing big emotions
Build trust in themselves and their relationships
Regulate their nervous system in ways that feel safe and manageable
Approaches like DBT skills, mindfulness, EMDR, and relational therapy are often used with teens to meet them where they are. Therapy is collaborative and should not feel like “therapy” at times when were working with teens. The teen sets the pace, and the therapist helps them feel safe enough to explore and grow.
TLDR
Teens pull away to protect themselves. This is normal and often not personal.
Stress, trauma, and nervous system development can make emotions feel bigger and relationships harder for teens. Their withdrawal is usually a survival strategy, not defiance.
Safety for teens comes from being seen, heard, and understood without judgment. Consistency, predictable routines, and a listening ear help them feel grounded.
Therapy supports teens by teaching regulation skills, building self-trust, and helping them process emotions in ways that feel safe. You do not need to “fix” your teen — creating connection, empathy, and space is already powerful.
